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August 19, 2006

Comments

BriBri

I remember when you drew the diagram for this on the board, labelng the points of the triangle with the three different "voices" in women's heads. It was so provacative and so accurate!

But the sentence you underline makes me wonder if you are being tougher on guys. Women are sexual creatures too, and if we are sexual, don't we need to be "stewards" of that sexuality as much as men? Sometimes it seems you are so eager to correct injusticies that you go to the opposite extreme.

Arrow

BriBri, I think Hugo is saying that women are already taught to be "stewards" of their own sexuality while men are not. And they need to find a middle ground: one where woman are freed from the resulting guilt and anxiety and where men are taught to be more responsible for their sexual actions.

Arrow

Also: I remember being very upset by this double standard when I was younger. While I had the same desires as my boyfriends, they didn't seem to express any sense of guilt, shame, or even responsibility when it came to their sexual desires. They just kept pushing forward as far as they could go, and for some reason it was up to me (alone) to define our sexual boundries. I hated that. Eventually I chose to let go of the guilt, I forgot about "the them," and I made decisions based on a combination of my own feelings and desires.
Part of that "decision-making" included choosing boyfriends that were respectful and that had similar values. That way, whatever we did was "our choice," and not just his choice or my choice. (Not to say I didn't make any mistakes or poor judgements of character after that, but that's another story.)

Hugo

Nicely put, Arrow -- you answer the criticism of the double standard better than I would have.

Arrow, I often talk about the "traffic light discourse" with my students. If you wait long enough at a red light, it will turn green. Too many young men are acculturated to wait for the boundaries to be set by their female partners, confident that eventually, if they persist, red will become green and no will become yes. It is annoying to have to play the part of the traffic light.

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