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August 16, 2006



Good post.

What people forget is that an adult's expectations of the opposite gender are formed by the opposite-gender role models they have in childhood. My SO is a lot like my dad - a good man with whom I have a wonderful relationship. A friend who was molested by her father saw and propagated a destructive pattern in her relationships throughout most of her adult life, and even now pursues unattainable men.

Men with smothering mothers sometimes expect an impossible amount of nurturing from their partners in later life. Men with uncaring or absent mothers can become cold and have difficulty connecting to their own emotions. (all these are generalisations but based on my own observation and experiences)

Girls need men and boys need women as much as girls need women and boys need men.

Sharon Alworth

I was so excited to stumble onto these posts while looking for daughter father info on the web. This is the very work I am doing now only in an unusual way. I am looking for daughters to write letters( sent or not ) to their fathers( alive or not) with the idea of using a therapeutic writing process(explained on the website or email me!) to understand and sometimes actually get through to their fathers- the differences and difficulties of being daughters and wanting "real" relationships with their fathers. Some of these letters will be published in a book entitled- "Letters from Daughters to Our Fathers: a Pathway to Healing and Hope" in 2007. This is such a wonderful way to find our way as daughters to understanding our relationships with our fathers( and hopefully passing the word on how important these relationships are). Please pass this on. E-mail me for more info or go to the website at www.lifedancecoach.com/letters. Great post Elle. I would love to have you contribute!


I work occasionally with my church's youth group, and I will probably do more of this (the rector just asked me to teach Senior High Sunday School and I am thinking I should). In interacting with young adults, I notice that I err on the side of caution with inter-sexual relationships. I really want there to be clear and healthy boundaries, but I think I might confuse respect with reticence, and so I have both. I am not really sure how that happened but I guess it's a "good problem" that just needs tweaking.

I like this: "But we cannot allow our fears to outweigh our responsibility to care for all of our children, and we must be careful to avoid a gender essentialism that minimizes the importance of fathers and other adult men in the lives of young women."

I don't think I have issues with gender essentialism, but I do think I might be allowing others' to determine my behaviour, even if I am not actively doing anything wrong.

Important stuff! Thanks

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