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August 18, 2006


Douglas, Friend of Osho

Apt timing, in light of the arrest in the JonBenet Ramsey case. What an irony; the arrest is already falling apart at the seams and the guy isn't even back in Colorado yet. Just as folks should have expressed skepticism over the ritual Satanic-abuse scares of the 80s and 90s, but allowed innocent people to be ramrodded into prison over fear of appearing anti-child and pro-patriarchial. Great post, Hugo, I wish I'd read it when it first came out.


Chalk me up as another female who's dad stopped hugging her when she started devoluping. I think it's one of those things about his own upbringing: he had female relatives and girlfriends: no girl's who were friends. He did not hug his sister, and his mother hugged him (but never in public and it couldn't be returned). So to him, there were was really no way to relate to women except lust. Which is sad for the both of us really.

I think that is quite probably one of the reasons he's really uncomfortable with me being sexual now: there are his little girls (which are asexual) and women who are sexual. The cognitive dissonance when I started devoluping and the strong cognitive dissonance when I moved in with my bf must be difficult.


Antigone, it's a message I often convey to my friends who are fathers of daughters: hug them, love on them, don't confuse deep expressions of love with sex.

Really, it's the great flaw in Western Masculinity -- the inability to keep intimacy and sexuality distinct. It's not rooted in biology, but in poor acculturation. And we've got to fight to change that.


Let me clarify. When I wrote Really, it's the great flaw in Western Masculinity -- the inability to keep intimacy and sexuality distinct, I meant in situations where non-sexual intimacy is called for. The flip side is that some men in our culture are all too good at separating intimacy from sexuality when the two ought to be intertwined, as in a loving romantic relationship.

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