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June 29, 2006



I appreciate your words and feelings as you expressed them! I can think easily of how I don't trust men based upon being intimidated by older boys as a child. Sharing feelings with other men has been important for me in my past and continues to be important today. I admire the fact that you are seemingly coping as well as you could hope to in grieving the loss of your father - in part by reaching out to other men. I find it ironic that often we don't see how much better our relationships with Women can be when we have support of men in our lives.

I hope that more of us will explore what "being male" is amongst other men. While Gay Men - of necessity may explore such issues, Primarily Het Men - often can feel alone in our lives. Being no longer the dominant: Soldier or The Breadwinner - e.g. - "The King of the House" - we have opportunities and challenges. Thanks!


I am glad your realization has you feeling a bit better today. One year in college, I experienced a number of losses all at once and had severe trouble coping with them. What seemed strange at the time was that I pulled the best grades of my four years of college during that one dark, miserable quarter. I remember asking about it in therapy, and wondering if it was a sign of one more thing wrong with me, and my therapist made the excellent and accurate observation that doing well in my classes was the glue that was holding me together just then. Everything else seemed absolutely awful, and I often celebrated when I could even get out of bed in the morning. He pointed out that there are worse kinds of glue than good grades! That's what I was thinking about when you shared your concerns about whether or not you're dealing with things the "right" way. There's no right way, but I do think that sometimes the best way for us to deal with things is not what we might expect.

In any case, I have been thinking about you and your family this week, even if I haven't posted as such 'till now. Be well.


I haven't checked your blog for a while, Hugo, so this is belated, but I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it would be like, but I wish you strength as you follow this path of peace. Thanks also for a lovely post.

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For man is man and master of his fate.

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