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March 24, 2006

Comments

katelynn

yesterday i saw my crush flirting with another girl. she was really pretty and the guy i like, i have liked for two years now so i don't want to stop liking him. it did hurt me though when i saw him flirting. what should i do?

History 25 student

Hugo, I'm not going to tell you who I am, but I'm in your 25B class this semester. I've been reading your blog since you gave out the URL on your syllabus, but only today read this post from your sidebar.

This is exactly, exactly, how some of us feel about you. Don't take it the wrong way, and if your lovely wife sees this, I don't want her to take it the wrong way. I just want to be inside your brain! You have taught me so much, and I am so sad that the class is coming to an end soon (even if it is a lot of work, esp. with the interview.)

I'm telling everyone to take your class.

angell

i want to say that teachers teach us to love, to learn, they take us to way the place where they want to see us.

eagles21

I've been on the edge of my seat for my geology professor for about two months now. I'm feeling sad that this quarter is almost over because I fear the anxiety of not being able to see him anymore. I'm so glad that I found this blog because I was starting to feel very deviant and out of the norm. I guess this is more common than I thought. I've told my roommates that I have a crush on him, but they make fun of me and can't see what I see in him. He's tall & thin, wears glasses, older, balding, married, has a 4 year old daughter, dresses casual/earthy. I think I like the fact that he wouldn't be considered attractive, or desirable to many women...makes him more rare and special in my mind...and perhaps weeds out some competition! I love and hate every moment of this crush...it's horrible. I can't focus on any of my other classes, I think about him constantly. On ratemyprofessor.com, it is clear that students find him to be the best at what he does, and I agree. For some reason I keep finding myself alone and near him, and it makes me think that I should take things further and have an amazing experience with him- for just wanting to be with him, to know him inside and out, and to love him, and yes, i want him really bad sexually too! for me, it is about him. i'm not even thinking about my grade, i could fail that class and still want him. i'm going crazy and i thought about just telling him how i feel, or just teasing the shit out of him. i don't know what to do. it takes so much for me to snap back into reality and know that it's wrong for many reasons. i just get lost...i want to know a way out, but i also want to know a way into his world.
I read somewhere in the blog or in comments that as a student you don't see the "real" man/woman in the classroom. That is where you will see your professor at his/her best. But that's just the thing that makes me curious to know him more. I want to know his flaws... I want to know that he's not perfect. I've kept a journal, and keep rereading it about this, and I've noticed that my writing ability sucks when it comes to describing this situation, and these feelings that I have. Maybe because I've never experienced it before... I want him to know that I want him without having to say anything. I don't even care if I get turned down. I just want him to know that he's wanted.

anonymous

Oh, how much better I feel after reading that article and the comments from it. Granted, it was posted nearly a year ago, but it'll apply to anyone at anytime and any where.

I thought it was ALL BAD to have this insanely, intense crush on one of my former teachers. I thought it was inappropriate and rare. For some reason, I thought I was one of those rare cases, don't ask why...but I'm happy to know that it happens to many people. Seriously, you don't know how much better this makes me feel. =)

That being said, I'm kind of torn with this whole "crush" thing. On one hand, I understand that this is merely a fantasy in my head that will probably (most likely) not become reality. Something that I hope will just pass me over, like most of my crushes. A part of me doesn't want to like him because of the mere consequences. I am aware of the potential negative impact of my pursuit, for both my teacher and myself.

But on the other hand, I am totally enamored with this man. I am out of his class, but I still visit him during his office hours regularly. I am in complete agreement regarding the intellectual aspect. I just love talking to him. At the risk of sounding corny, we have this connection -- we can talk about anything, and it's so great to know that there is a PROFESSOR (not a peer) who I can have this type of relationship with. Someone who can offer me another perspective on things. And while the consensus of most comments are that students are ONLY attracted to the professor because of their mind and not their looks, this professor embodies both. He's a good looking man. ratemyprofessor.com even says so...lol. Kind of the complete package...in my opinion. =)

And lest I forget to mention, I do flirt with him. I can't help it. But apart of me tends to think that he's reciprocating. It may just be me "SEEING THINGS I WANT TO SEE," but before you take that route and completely shut me down, just contemplate for a second if what I think I'm seeing is actually true...how do I handle that?

I don't want to just stop visiting him because regardless of the fact that I have a crush, I really consider him one of my friends. We've developed a friendship outside of class, and I, personally, don't think there's anything wrong with that. How can I maintain this relationship, while not overstepping my boundaries?

whiteslate

Good you'v brought the topic up, thank you, Hugo. Googled to get opinions and insight on educator-student infatuation as at this moment, I'm having a major attraction for my male lecturer on both the intellectual and, erm, physical fronts. I try my best to keep my mannerisms in check so that he won't be in the awkward position of having to deal with a student crushing on him. It's really tough.

Prior to this, I had the opportunity to briefly teach in middle school and then coach junior high, and was on the receiving end of innocent [I'd like to think] schoolboy crushes, and also a profession of love from this particularly intelligent, self-driven girl as well - though as for the latter, it could just be devious manipulation to gain an extra grade or two. It might as well be projection and then eventual transference on my part, but ultimately, immediate rxns were that of amusement and embarrassment.

I felt flattered. And I felt angry at my self for feeling flatterd. I was ashamed that maybe I had not set a clearly-defined enough boundary between those students and myself, therefore allowing the girl to pluck up the courage to send me heartfelt poems in pink origami. I knew, however, that even if there is no crime in infatuations, the ramifications are disastrous if an educatr is found to be biased against any student on such accounts, what more if there was a reciprocation of attraction, and an eventual playing-out of 'forbidden' emotions [as in the case of my current situation.]

I figured the lot of those who wrote here like Dustin and Sophonisba would understand why I personally believe that no emotions should be made forbidden, but rather, to be accepted as it is, learn the lesson, and then taking the best course of action. For me, it is just to maintain the current tutor-pupil strictly as that, although I so, so want to go all out and wet my lips, bat my lashes a bit more, casually brushing my hand against his.. .

I reeally like this lecturer, and despite masking the signs to him, I have reasons to believe that he may be equally infatuated with me. I'm top of my class, and I've earned it, I know, but I did wonder once if I got the grades because he likes me, or, if he likes me because I consistently help pull the average up. Made me sick in the gut quite a bit as I'm really pro-egalitarianism.

I'm 22. Him, he's single, in his late thirties. Handsome, but in a nerdy kind of way. He reminded me of my late fiance [transference alert!] who was slightly younger than this lecturer, when he passed.

We often have one-to-one project consultations where I would feign nonchalance each time we found ourselves looking too long in each other's eyes. He would blush. I would clear my throat and go on tangents abt the merits of my project.

We share common topics of interst outside of coursework, and I fancied him my dual. [Socionics ESFj for my INTj. Saw you identified yourself as MBTI's ENFP. I believe that you're Socionics ENFp as well, from your picture. Snap judgments tho. It would be wonderful if you could do the test and post your thoughts oon your new blog.]

Oh, and yes, I'm being very, very, careful. Certain male egos can be destructive, I understand. And blame the damned pheromones. I still can't wait to graduate, tho, and entertain the hopes of a *rolls eyes* romaaance. Wish me luck!


a true account of a *tutor 'fessing up his feelings for a student. Ended in marriage. So far. [Allow for a moue here, and then, maybe, a wink directed at Hot Hugo.]

hopelessly obsessed

Thank you so much for this well-written, insightful post. I am a grad student in my early 30s and I have a staggering crush on my married-with-children professor who is in his 40s. Average-looking, but the most dynamic personality I have ever encountered. And yes, somehow the average looks increase the charm. Makes no sense! I can't imagine that there is another man on the planet whom I could want more.
I am trying to forget about him and not make a mistake which will damage my reputation as I feel strongly compelled to flirt with him. It's almost as if I am watching a movie about myself and I am shouting, NO! whilst I do precisely the wrong thing.
I don't know if you check these reponses, but I am bookmarking this page because it is the wisest advice I have encountered about this crush thus far (other then the suggestion to try good old-fashioned Pavlovian conditioning.) I was just telling someone today that part of the reason I like him so much is because we are similar in some ways. Maybe I don't want him, maybe I just want to be him. Okay, I'll keep saying that as I fantasize about ripping his clothes off.
Your post gives me hope.

csbean

Thank you so much for your blog. I am at the end of my first year of teaching senior English (yes, HIGH SCHOOL!) and I have a male student who's told me he wants to "chill" with me after he graduates. Somehow, he got ahold of my cellular phone number and is sending me text messages, which I ignore. Before reading your blog, I was worried that his advances were a result of something I was doing wrong.

I work in a Title 1 school where 90% of my students are receiving some kind of government welfare. There are very few good teachers where I work, and I know I am one of the teachers who still tries to challenge her students day to day.

While reading your blog, the clouds parted and I could finally see what his crush is really about. He is very intelligent and I can see that he wants to rise above the poverty and pain in his community and make something of himself.

Now that I understand the reasoning behind his crush, I know how to better handle this sensitive situation. Thank you, Hugo.

CAB

Awesome article, the more so for the fruitful conversation that has developed.
I just came across this article as I had just over the past couple of days finding myself attracted to a professor. To me it is the weirdest thing because I've never been attracted to a teacher, but it is very much different from the standard occurrence you describe. The very thing Dustin commented on, the:
"'super-you', the one with all the facts at their fingertips and the confidence of knowing their material inside and out."

He doesn't have that air that I know my teachers for. He forgets the little things frequently and stops to think about them. There are times where I have said, "Yes, that's right," in order to let him know he's not getting anything backward while giving his lecture (occasionally he forgets the little details about the C++ programming language.)

I think it's that he doesn't fit the same and most consistent "Super-You" vision of the rest of my teachers that I am attracted to him. Even on occasion he'll bring up topics he has discussed about the language with one of my other professors in class. This kind of interaction makes him seem less teacher-like and more peer-like.

Even though he's been the same person throughout I am not sure what changed, if you will. I haven't started to like him until recently, that is, three quarters of the way through my semester. Is it because he got a haircut and is now more attractive as a normal Joe Schmoe? I've find that I am noticing the shoes he wears, tight jeans, one day deciding not to tuck in his shirt, but that isn't it. Being the one that helps fill in the gaps when he can't think of words and reaffirming the little things he is unsure about (I probably wouldn't talk to him in class as much if I wasn't consistently seated in the front row, but I think it is generally best for any class as it makes me more comfortable asking questions when I can get a quick response rather than have to wait for the teacher to first acknowledge I have my hand up; especially on things that seem more trivial) has made me feel a little closer to him. There have also been times where I have brought up suggestions that he thought were smart or where he was heading with his lecture. I think that may also be that other idea of being attracted due to approval and acknowledged by my professor. He says it's a smart idea, talking to me, he looks my way, and, happy his student is going the right direction, smiles.
I've grown to like that smile, it makes me happy to see him smile about the fact that something turns out in a way that pleases him. It may be that right there, in fact. When my physics prof. asks for ideas, they aren't revolutionary, and even if there are they are good they are immediately brought to the classes attention and little extra attention is given to myself. With him I get a smile from a pleased teacher. Like a Pavlovian response I am happy to see him smile.

This might seem long, but it was very unsettling. I have never liked a teacher before, and I already have a boyfriend whom I love. I puzzled over it and like amusement parks selling the uncommon feeling of extra acceleration upon the body, I was sold upon the uncommon feeling of extra praise for being smart by someone who I respect(whether or not his lecture material is all together he still knows his stuff). Self diagnosis is always skeptical, but it makes sense. In the last period I had with him I felt myself talking a little more than I needed to. If I waited half a second he would have said the same thing; he didn't need me to fill in the gaps, but I wanted to. When I found I was being less helpful I immediately regretted my comments each time.

Whether or not this is responded to I am glad to have thought it out and come to an understanding n where I stand, Thanks for inspiring such wonderful conversation on such a confusion prone topic.

B

this is all very much like notes on a scandle (except obviously nothing happens between student and teecher)
i actually thought i was one of very few who had experienced this.
obviously im wrong!!
I have a crush on my teecher, its a 13 year age gap, he is quite immature and we know alot about eechothers personal life.
it only started becouse i was havving a pretty rough day, a member of my family died and i just broke out into tears in the middle of assembaly. he took me to another room and i was just crying on his sholder for what felt like ages and he was hugging me and it was lovely.
then i calmed down and the head of my year came in and started asking stupid questions like "are you being neglected?" and just pushing and it was just making things worse and eventually my teecher just sort of said, look she doesent know you, and obviously doesent feel comfable with you, and i was very gratefull.
the trouble is, now that i have this crush on him, i dont want him to know at all, and he seems to think im a very sensible girl who is lovely to teech, but has no idia that i like him becouse quite often i just have days wer i dont speek to him. or im just not intrested in his class.
but becouse i do this he feels safe to talk to me, (he has weird stalker girls following him all day and hates it) and now hes friends with my family, and its just like a cant escape when i want to.
ive tried seeing him as just a friend, but then its just hard when hes so lovely and treets me like another adult. i meen he comes over for dinner sometimes.
i just dont no what to do.
im 14 and hes 27. nothing will ever happen.
i just need him to stop being so lovely to me, but then again i reely dont.

Mindy

I must say, parts of this blog are hilarious. Mostly because, I can clearly tell which posts are written by professors whether or not they admit it.

Anyway, I'm a student with an intellectual crush on a physically cute professor. Those two things combined with my authority complex (I have a thing for authority figures - cops, docs, teachers) make me really interested in him...

Now, he isn't a full time professor, and is either a first year professor or an adjunct. Considering he has no office and isn't teaching next quarter, my university may have even commissioned him for this quarter and none other (they do that sometimes)

Now, is it still morally and ethically troublesome to approach and, hit on him if I were to find out he's a temp at the university? Mind you, I'd do this after grades are in because I'll get an A or B anyway.

What do you think?
Thanks,
Mindy

That Student

I always have gotten crushes on my teachers, the non sexual excited to be around their passion kind, but a few semesters ago I returned to school as an adult and got a grown up crush (wait, is that an oxy-moron?) on a prof, which for reasons unclear to me I told him after we'd had some conversations about non-school stuff recently.

I feel extremely silly about it, as in any other circumstance at least I'd be on somewhat equal footing with him. As it is there is a weird power imbalance that is actually adding an odd hotness to it. And although I wonder if it's not the illicitness making it more attractive to me, it's all a moot point as we are both spoken for. It's bittersweet waiting for the end of the semester, but honestly, my internal pressure valve is killing me. I woke up dreaming of him this morning! Quite distracting.

Funny, until tonight I thought I was the only one who'd ever been in this position. Ha.

Helen

It is great to have found this website with other people suffering like myself. I am an older student who recently went back to finish an undergraduate degree, so I attend class mostly in the evening. I have a professor who I cannot get out of my head! I feel so embarrassed because my feelings are obvious. Not to be conceited, but I'm a goodlooking woman and men hit on me all the time (I have the body of a porn star, an attractive face, and I'm wicked). This guy is probably about five years older than me and he actually showed his appreciation early on. I've acted a little erratic/neurotic around him and he has done the same around me. I am actually engaged to be married so I shouldn't be looking at other men...and he is in a position of authority. The terrible thing is that I've crossed that boundary before with a boss of mine about two years ago and had a torrid, sexual affair...the likes of which most people only read about/see in the movies. I'm addicted to drama and breaking rules. Out of respect for my wonderful fiance, however, I cannot fall into any sinful traps. This website offers me a lot of encouragement. I am just going to keep ignoring and avoiding this man...even when I feel him staring at me when he thinks I'm not looking. Thanks.

Simone

What a great thread! I'm so glad I found this. It's put some perspective back into things, but having said that, I still have this dilemma.

I am a single female grad student in my mid 50s, and I have a crush on my ex-professor who is the same age as me. At first I paid no attention to him until some of my classmates who are around 15 years my junior, jokingly 'paired' us up and started teasing whenever he passed by (just because I didn't have a partner at the time, they thought they should 'hook us up').

He though is a real nerd, and nothing much to look at. Glasses, gray, balding, dresses quite shabbily, and is nowhere as charismatic as some of the professors mentioned in the previous posts above. Although he is very intelligent, and speaks with great confidence in his presentations.

Of course, all this joking around with my fellow students was innocent in the beginning, and I played along pretending to be this 'teenager' with a crush whenever he passed by the group. After a few months though, I found that I became very intrigued by him and his habits, which became very predictable, and my friends kept pressing me to go up to talk to him. But I wanted to find out more about him first, as he was very quiet and pretty much kept to himself.

I was no longer his student by then, so it was difficult for me to find a way to get close to him without him suspecting anything and I needed to know what kinds of things I could bring up that would guarantee a conversation.

In the meantime, the joking amongst my friends escalated to the point that several of them were offering me advice on 'how to get him', which of course I didn't mind because now I could use the advice!

It got to the point that they would dare me to go talk to him, and challenge me to come back with some snippet of information that I would not ordinarily be able to obtain, such as his pet's name or what hobbies he did in his spare time.

Without even trying, around the same time, he seemed all of a sudden to take notice of me around campus, perhaps because I was around his age. He would randomly come over and strike up a casual conversation in front of my friends. Of course, after he left, they would all be giggling at whatever pathetic excuse he would have to come over to talk.

These discussions became more frequent and we ended up talking about all manner of things. Quite often I found that we did not even agree on many things, or see eye-to-eye, but for some reason this intrigued me even more and I started to develop this crush on him.

Almost as if he were in on the group's joke, he would accidently slip and mention some minor personal detail to me that I'd just received in my latest 'challenge' which I would immediately take back to my friends. It was like a trophy to me - like a teenage boy who comes back with a pair of his neighbors panties just to show off to his friends.

My friends knew that he never suspected anything, so they began to think of me as some guru interogator who could weasle all sorts of cool information out of people. This of course only encouraged me more.

I know that this was very childish of me, and is actually mocking him behind his back which is why now I want it to all stop. I actually like him. A lot.

Over the past few months, he has almost started to become an obsession to me. A riddle to be solved (and thus the reason I came looking for threads like this one). I know so much about his personal life (nothing terribly secret, but just mundane details) that seriously, if he knew, or if someone else told me the same story, I would be really concerned about their mental state. But I meant no malice in it all - the game just got a little bit out of control. Thankfully, nothing bad has happened as a result (except for me going nuts!)

Recently, I have noticed that the dynamics between my ex-prof and I have changed. He is less professor, and more my peer and we talk about everyday things now which has made me treat him a lot differently. He is just a regular person without pretensions (who also cannot balance his check account and has no idea how to fix his car!).

On one hand I know that whenever I am around him I go all awkward and coy, and I know I blush. On the other hand, the only way I know to get closer to him is to take the initiate and be daring and bold. Well, perhaps not daring, but I have emailed him several times and called him and visited his office on occassion. Which now having said that, does make me sound a bit obsessive.

Several times I have asked him to come sit with me on the grass for lunch, or I've brought him in a book that I knew he would like. He always seems chuffed at the attention and never is in a hurry to get away from me (if he thought I was any threat at all I am sure he would find a way to get the hell out of there!). And I don't think it's out of politeness either.

Whenever he talks to me now, he seems to be a lot more relaxed and open and does not talk the same way that he does to other students. At the same time, he acts a lot less like that confident professor I knew in class and more like some awkward boy trying to impress a girl.

Without asking outright, I have tried on several occasions to find out whether he is in a relationship without sounding like I'm prying, by asking about what he did over Christmas, hoping he'd mention a wife or family or something. But almost always it sounds as if it's just him, so it sounds like he lives alone.

You would think that if he were married though, that he'd make a point of mentioning it, or else dropping hints to ward off females he suspects might have a crush on him? Still, he is always very gentlemanly, and professional and has never flirted or led me on in even the slightest fashion. He seems comfortable in allowing me to initiate conversations, emails, calls, appointments etc. (which I am almost sure he knows is just an excuse for me to come and see him), whilst at the same time he never makes apologies, promises or offers suggestions of alternatives if I call up and he cannot be available.

So, I am at the point now that I don't know where to go. I seem to be getting mixed messages, and no longer know how to interpret them. Perhaps he is just being careful as I suspect that sexual harrassment is always in the back of every professor's mind and the possibility of it ruining his career would make any man think twice.

I know for sure now that I cannot get him out of my head. It's been over a year now and about six months ago he even jokingly started to suggest that I was stal king him because he would see me (or rather, probably has noticed me) around campus more often than he did when he was oblivious to my presence.

This is all starting to slowly drive me crazy now - this not knowing what to do next.

Should I just treat him like any other man I would meet outside of college and just plain ask him out? I fear though that he might say no, not because he doesn't like me, but because it might be against college policy or something. But as he is not the type to explain or apologise, I'm afraid an outright NO would probably shatter me.

Alternatively, I've been thinking about just coming right out and letting him know I have this huge schoolgirl crush on him, and hopefully we both can have a good old belly laugh about it (I suspect that once it is out in the open and no longer a secret, that this euphoric feeling that comes over me whenever he is around, might just fade away and I can get on with my life and start acting like a normal adult woman again).

Or else, should I just wait around and see what eventuates? Does anyone have any suggestions? I'd especially appreciate advise from older males who have been in his situation with older female students.

Thanks to everyone on this forum who has offered their advise and wisdom on this subject so far.

Anonymous grad student

I came back to this post after originally reading it a year and a half ago (and after adding two more people to the list of "do I want to sleep with this person or be this person?" mentor figures), and I just wanted to say, thanks. I also wanted to say, how did you get inside my head? Because it's pretty damn scary.

Undergrad_girl

Hahahaha, wow, and here I thought I was the only one! I have had crushes on teachers in the past, but this semester there is that one hot, intellectual, and did I mention hot? professor who I can't get out of my mind.

He is married, though I get the feeling that he would go for it if I put it out there. I mean, he has lots of girls who crush on him, but he talks to me quite a bit. I catch him looking at me when I'm not looking. Though, he does his best to create that teacher/student "boundary." It's too bad that he's married...if it weren't for that, I would so go after him.

LOL, moreso than I do now, anyway. I think I just need a boyfriend (a.k.a. sex).

Sara

Hey,
wow, this is so true, like I love my english teacher to death, and i really want no sexual relations with him, I just want him to know me, and let me know him, it's this feeling that i get whenever im around him. The thing is he has been at my school for the past 3 years, and he is only my teacher this year, and im amazed about how close we have become in the last 7 months. He gets along with everybody, and everybody loves him, but when it comes down to him and I, he is so attentive, and only at me. like i was walking down the stairs he was talking to liek 4 people at the same time, and then he totally breaks from the converstaion and looks at me, and a few times hes winked at me, and i think he is flirting, and i think its kinda sweet. He is a sweetheart, for Vday i have him a rose, well my other teachers, but he was my only male one, and i saw him walking to class with it, and im like uh oh, people will say things, and this girl asks who gave it to him and hes says "A secret admirer!" i was like ohh... then throughout the class he would constantly pick the rose up and hug it, and one poin the smelled it for 2 minutes! and when the rose was sitting there, i would catch him looking at it and subtly touching it during thought breaks, it was so sweet, and everytime he touched it i got this feeling, like he really appreciated and u could tell he was touched! My rose was his only one of the day! I'm not looking for a sexual relationship, just someone i can go to for anything, and who i know will be there for me, and if that includes flirting, like one day he was sitting in his swivel chair, and i come after class to hand in a paper, and i stand kind close to him infront of him, and he encircles his legs around my standing space, and he hits my shoes a couple of times, then i turn around to pack my bag, and look back and he winks at me! and gives me this loving yet coy smile! i just melted, but aroound me, something changes in his behavior and he becomes i think more romantic and emotional, and wow, we make some serious eye contact in and out of class, we will lock eyes for like 30 seconds and im serious, i thik he is in love with my eyes! LOL! the way he looks at me to, there is something about me, that attracts him, and definitely something about him that attracts me, he is not frop dead gorgeous but he is cute, i mean he's in his ealry 30s but he is so mature and sensitive, i think thats why we connect so much! and the horoscopes are wrong, and Aries and Capricorn can get along, and he and i are living proof! he is the best thing in my last yr of hs, im savoring every last second i have with him! he even signed one email xoxoxo! first time he has done that this yr!

Belle

Hi Hugo,

I realise that I come into this thread quite late. I hope you still read the posts nonetheless. Can you please elaborate on what you mean by "They're externalizing all of their hopes for themselves"?

I am not a student (am working and in my 20s) and I've become quite attached to a mentor figure in my life. He is somewhat older (nearly 50). I don't believe it's a romantic infatuation but your quote above resonates with me. I would like to better understand this concept.

(If it helps elucidate the situation, my mentor figure and I compete in a certain sport and he has won one of the ultimate trophies, something I'd very much like to emulate.)

Thanks so much if you can help Hugo!

Esther

What's your opinion on professors dating their students in adult evening classes? I'm taking one right now where the age difference isn't that big--I'm 23, he's 30. I don't see him as that good of an instructor (I almost dropped the course because I hated his teaching style), but I've grown to really like his personality, and we share the same outside interests. Thoughts?

Ally G

I just have to say. I am a woman with a crush on a female professor and sometimes I wonder if I'm becoming obsessed! I only admire the fact that she's a beautiful middle eastern woman, as well as the fact that she's intelligent. I don't want her because of what she is teaching..(that shit is boring) But I want her because she's absolutely gorgeous, intelligent, and a very subtle flirt. I just want to eat her pussy!!! I never wanted to eat a woman's pussy this bad, and I want to eat it!!!! lol. Hey.. atleast I'm honest. She is getting ready to move to another state, and I just want to please her before she goes. Think it's possible? what should I do?

Monica

I currently have a crush on my accounting Professor and I think he picks up the vibes. I give myself away with the look I give him! He drives me nuts !
What makes it more difficult is that I am married !

Mlunny

It must be difficult for instructors (college) to refrain from taking students seriously, but I had a history instructor that I was mad about .. his intelligence, his wit, etc. He is a Rhodes scholar and still to this day think and remember this man that I will never forget ! He taught American History, which I love. MF-EPCC.

attraverso

I am so glad to have found this thread. I have had crushes on teachers my whole life (both male and female). I am in my early thirties and happily married, my husband is great. I've been taking an evening class and here we go again, I have a crush on my female teacher. I was beginning to think something was wrong with me because it has happens so often. What I have come to realize is that 1) yes, I usually become infatuated with teachers for whom I have the most respect, those who have the most passion/confidence which in turn is very sexy and 2) if I am really honest with myself I find that it becomes a personal challenge/game for me to see whether I can get "in my teacher's head," to refer to one of the previous posts. Ultimately, I suppose that it is not sexual, but it is the positive and meaningful attention that I begin to crave. Plus, I want to get more of that attention than the other students get (i am competitive by nature). I always attempt to check my behavior - I do not try to get attention by flirting or raising my hand a lot or being obnoxious, I try to put 200% into my work/projects/assignments with the hope that it impresses, which gives me the opening to have meaningful conversation about it later on. The good side of all this is that I get good grades. :) The bad side is that it can get all-consuming. I've never tried to overtly let a prof know of a crush, so I've become used to the cycle of the growing and exciting crush and the bittersweet feeling I get once it reaches its peak and I know that I have to let it go...

jessica

this was very interesting.
really insightfull
i feel better now that i know all the teachers that ive had a crush on, and that crush may have been apparent to, in the past hopefully didnt veiw it as a completly horrible and immature thing.
there is this one teacher now though that i do have a certain gravity towards, not that i want to be like him, hell no, or that what he teaches makes me think, he teaches math, and trust me, no one can or could ever make me think deeply about math.
im not going to act on these feelings.
but i actaully veiw having a crush on a teacher, a good thing, escpecially one who teaches a subject that i find boring or just not very good at it, becaue it makes me pay more attention what they say and do, therefore i retain more of the info im taught:)
i have an A in math
lol
thx

A student with a crush

Hi Hugo,
I came across this wensite of yours searching for some answers for a crush that I have developed for a professor of mine. As an undergrad student, I always had crush on older TAs, and found them extremely intellectually stimulating. I am a grad student now and have developed a crush on a prof of mine. He's 43 and I am 22. We have a huge age difference. It isnt about the looks at all! I am just soooo attracted to his intellect and his confidence. His looks in a way just add on to his charm. I know this crush isnt going anywhere, but there's something about him that makes my heart flutter. Sometimes I am sitting in his class or in his office meeting with him and all I can think about is being in his arms... being hugged by him and holding his hands.
But I agree with ur friend Tiffany's love explanation - i do really just want to be near him and absorb everything he has to offer, and just want him to focus on me. In his class, I am always smiling! Do u think he knows that I have a crush on him? How do professors figure it out anyway?
I'd really appreciate your insights on this! :)

Thanks in advance!

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