Confronting injury

Well, my training has hit a setback.  Monday morning, I began to feel calf pain at the end of my run.  I took Tuesday off (my first day off from working out in a week), but then did a seven-miler in the Arroyo yesterday afternoon.   The pain in my left calf gradually got worse over the course of the run, but like a typical idiot, I pushed through it, hoping that as the muscle warmed up, the pain would go away.  It didn't, got worse, and I had to stop earlier than expected to walk.  This morning, I can't even walk without liming.  I've been very lucky with injuries over the years, but I also know that overuse will invariably take its toll.  I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow, and until then, will just do mat Pilates for my core and some light upper-body weight-lifting.  I'm not sure I'm even up to biking, and I definitely think I need a few days -- if not more -- away from running.  I'm a poor swimmer at best, but some "aqua running" may be in my future.

I posted on Monday in "defense of exercise addiction"; I suggested that I might "drink or go mad" if I couldn't work out regularly.  Well, it's best not to taunt the universe, I suppose!  With an injury, I'm being challenged to rest (albeit "active rest"), and I'm going to be forced to develop other outlets for all of that nervous energy.   I'm reminded, at moments like this, of something a wonderful spiritual director of mine said to me:  "Hugo, if you put something in the place where God is supposed to go, God will remove it."  In other words, when I get to the point where exercise is my primary source of spiritual solace (and of course, I spend more hours per week in running/lifting/biking/Pilates than I do in prayer), God is going to remove the obstacle that stands between me and Him.  This injury is a reminder -- once again -- that spiritual practice must come before the assiduous devotion to the training of the body.

I realize that I divide up my days very carefully between time devoted to others and time devoted to me.   The most important "other" is my wife, of course.  I've also got commitments to my students, to my colleagues, to the kids in youth group, and to various other volunteer activities.  I spend lots and lots of time with lots of people, and I enjoy that.  But though I get "charged" from connecting with and interacting with others, I also crave my time alone -- which usually is time spent focusing on my body and its performance.  There's nothing wrong with pursuing a high degree of fitness, of course.  But there is something amiss when the primary way I connect to God is when I'm suffused with an endorphin rush.

Recovery from injury and illness takes time.  As long time readers of my blog know, I picked up a nasty case of giardia in Colombia in 2003, and was unable to run or do much of anything for several weeks.  That experience challenged me emotionally as well as physically.  My desperate hope, of course, is that this current injury will not be nearly as debilitating.  But in a small way, it is a very real reminder of my body's limitations, and the danger of creating an idol out of the relentless pursuit of peak fitness.

Comments

[tr1c14]

Hang in there Hugo! I'm not a *real* athlete myself, just someone who likes to be active, and I'm struggling with my knees right now, so I just wanted to say, I know how frustrating it is and you have my sympathy. In a way, it's like being betrayed by your own body, at least that's how it feels to me. Here I am doing everything I can to make it function at its peak, and here it decides to malfuction and hurt?! GRRR!

I hope you feel better soon, and the dr says you don't need anything more than some rest.

PS - I had to switch to swimming, probably permanently, and at first I resented it (wanted to do my pre-injury activities), but now swimming is the highlight of my day.

[John]

Welcome to the club of physical dependency Hugo. It might teach you a little about how the other half lives! :-)

[Hugo]

John, if it humbles me, that's all to the good, I suppose!