Thanking God for impotence: a reflection on erectile dysfunction

Lots of folks in the feminist blogosphere (Amanda, Zuzu Jessica, Sara) have responded to this remarkable piece in the Washington Post: Cupid's Broken Arrow.  The article connects what it sees as a growing epidemic of male impotence/erectile dysfunction on college campuses with increasingly aggressive sexual behavior by young women.

It seems that for a sizable number of young men, the fact that they can get sex whenever they want may have created a situation where, in fact, they're unable to have sex. According to surveys, young women are now as likely as young men to have sex and by countless reports are also as likely to initiate sex, taking away from males the age-old, erotic power of the chase.

"I know lots of girls for whom nothing is off limits," says Helen Czapary, a junior at the University of Maryland. "The pressure on the guys is a huge deal."

Combine performance anxiety with binge drinking and the abuse of drugs on campus and it's no wonder that problems are showing up at college clinics in numbers that give the lie to the adage that impotence is reserved for the old (Bob Dole) or crazy (Jack Nicholson in "Carnal Knowledge"). The younger models who now appear in commercials for Viagra and its pharmaceutical clones reveal that the drug makers know (hope?) what the rest of us don't: Some members of the Game Boy generation are losing their game.

Half a dozen feminist bloggers have done a terrific job of tearing apart what Scott Lemieux calls the "risible" thesis that feminism is somehow responsible for men "losing their game."  I recommend many of these posts, as well as the original article.

It is almost axiomatic that any course on men and masculinity (or any thoughtful discussion of male sexuality) invariably moves to a discussion of "erectile dysfunction", which is the preferred medical term for the ability to have and to sustain an erection.  One of the first things, of course, that needs to be called into question is the term "erectile dysfunction" (or ED, as it is often abbreviated).

The phrase implies that in the normal course of things, erections should appear on demand.  A potent (powerful) man will be able to wield his penis like a trusty tool, one that responds instantly to his commands.  As countless researchers have pointed out, many of the slang terms for penis tend to be utilitarian and military: rod, missile, pole; many of the terms for intercourse use the language of carpentry: "screw", "nail", and so forth.   As every modern student knows, language goes a long way towards shaping reality -- and in the minds of countless young men, the language of sex and the body makes it clear that their penises must be continually ready, alert, and functioning.

I recognize that for older men with medical problems, the failure to get an erection may be linked to a serious physiological issue.  It may well be appropriate to address that problem medically.  But obviously, the vast majority of young men who struggle with erection problems are not suffering from the various medical conditions traditionally linked to ED.  Something else is causing their bodies to frequently "betray" them, leaving them depressed and vulnerable and, often, close to despair. 

This may sound cruel, but I'm immensely grateful that the male body doesn't always respond to our commands.  I'm grateful that "erection problems" are so ubiquitous.  As someone who is personally and professionally interested in challenging traditional notions of masculinity, I'm struck by how even a single episode of ED can force an otherwise unthinking man into a sudden and serious reflection about his body, his identity, and his sexuality.  ED gets men's attention, and it gets it fast! And while many young men will burn with quiet shame, and others attempt to employ pharmaceutical remedies to avoid the problem, others will -- thank the good Lord -- start to question a culture that expects men to be able to perform on command.

ED also offers an opportunity to see sex as something that encompasses more than vaginal intercourse.   Contrary to the fears of many women, a penis that won't get erect is not evidence of a lack of male sexual desire!  Any number of issues (anxiety chief among them) may override even a strong libido.  ED offers a man the chance to rethink his sexual strategy and technique, using other parts of his body to bring pleasure to himself and to his partner.

From a conservative Christian perspective, ED is a kind of natural rebellion against promiscuity.  Many young men -- as the story makes clear -- report erection problems on "one night stands" or in the early stages of a sexual relationship.   In long term, committed relationships, ED tends to disappear (unless a physiological problem is present, which is rare in men under 40).  The real precipitator of ED is, obviously, performance anxiety -- an anxiety that is invariably heightened when real trust and intimacy do not already exist between the fellow and his partner.  From this perspective, it's as if the penis knows something that the brain doesn't: that perhaps the owner of said penis isn't emotionally ready for sexual intercourse with this particular person.

From a men's studies perspective, ED leaves men feeling vulnerable and inadequate, and that's a good thing.  No, I don't want my brothers to be unhappy (and I don't want their female partners to feel their own sense of frustration.)  But I do recognize that young men in particular rarely question the dominant paradigm about sexuality and the male body until they themselves fall woefully short of the standard.  The fear, the desperation, and the shame associated with erection problems presents an opportunity to those of us eager to deconstruct traditional masculinity.   Time and again, I've noticed that men are much more willing to think critically about the rigid and inflexible (sorry) masculine ideal after they've had a bout with ED.

The response that many men have to ED, of course, is to pursue the quick fix of Viagra or similar medications.  But these medications don't eradicate anxiety, and they tend to work best in men whose erection problems are due to medical conditions rather than worries about performance.  I'm glad, frankly, that no one has yet invented a fail-safe drug that allows men to perform on demand!  I'm glad that no man can be guaranteed of living out, night after night, the fantasy that he is a strong hard invulnerable sex machine.  None of us, male or female, are at our best when we imagine our bodies to be fully and completely under our control.  A prerequisite to enduring sexual intimacy is the kind of vulnerability that says "I bring you my imperfect body, not to perform for you but to make love with you."  ED literally softens the penis; it can also figuratively soften a man by forcing him to rethink his allegiance to a cruel and unattainable standard.  Men and women alike can benefit from that kind of radical rethinking of male sexuality.

Comments

[NancyP]

The lads need to stop drinking! The connection between drunkenness and impotence has been known a long time - probably documented in Greek or Latin literature, certainly in the Bible and Shakespeare. Ditto with some drugs, reportedly especially notable with methamphetamines, which is why meth is marketed with Viagra for circuit parties (ugh).

[carlaviii]

May I recommend A Mind of its Own by David M. Friedman , which is a look at historical attitudes toward the penis. Amusing reading. It hasn't always been viewed as a piece of machinery.

[Hugo]

Carlaviii, I know that book well -- it and Susan Bordo's "The Male Body" have been hugely helpful to me on this subject.

Nancy, drinking is surely an exacerbating factor -- but not the only cause.

[ewigweibliche]

Thanks for this post. As a woman, what is frustrating about sexual "dysfunctions" is that men's health and sexuality issues get far more medical attention than women's. In my early 20s I suffered from some pretty intense sexual "dysfunction" - excruciating pain for no apparent reason and therefore an inabitlity to engage in intercourse. I saw doctors, gyencologists, and sexual health experts. Most just said "Well, we can't see anything wrong with you." They gave me a big long word for it and sent me on my way. Doing research on my I own I found that a large variety of sexual issues in women get lumped under one or two umbrella terms because nobody's done the research. Granted women are more complex in many ways - the organs being internal is one big part of it. But I was left feeling as though I was broken and would never enjoy sex again. It was soul crushing. (My problem did turn out to be physiological and I am fine now, although there are some unexplainable problems every now and then. The body remembers things in mysterious ways.)

I give all of the background to state that the penis receives a disproportionate amount of attention in media and research (hmmmm.... think patriarchy has anything to do with that?). I also agree that it's rediculous to claim that feminism is responsible for men losing their game. Humans are adaptable creatures and I'm pretty sure the human race will continue to mate one way or another! Thanks for posting this and for your thoughtful link to traditional masculinity. Instead of forcing women back into Women's Roles in order to keep men in Men's Roles, I hope that we can move beyond these confining expectations.

[The Gonzman]

Contrary to the fears of many women, a penis that won't get erect is not evidence of a lack of male sexual desire!

In fact, Hugo, often it means precisely that. And it may not mean that they guy is impotent or has ED, or something - it's that, believe it or not, a willing woman does not always make each and every guy go gaga, and lose his thought processes in pursuit of the "Holy Feminine," and furthermore, it may jolly well just be YOU he's not interested in, but has no problem with other women.

I know many women whom some think would fit well on the pages of the Swimsuit Issue of SI, but, sadly, being in their company for any length of time is a big turn off. It's high time men said to themselves "Ya know, it's okay to admit to not being a horn-dog 24-7" and admit there are times we'd rather be fishing, or something, rather than trying to get something going with a woman whom we are no more attracted to than an eggplant out of fear she's going to go around spreading the word we're gay - or fooling around on her - or something else, in order to salvage her fragile ego.

[Hugo]

Gonz, if the fellow has reached the point where ED becomes an issue with a woman he's not attracted to, then he's obviously having sex for the wrong reasons -- perhaps to comply with the "24-7 horn dog" myth that both you and I agree is damaging to men and women alike.

[Rachel]

This is thought-provoking stuff; thanks, Hugo. It hadn't occurred to me that ED could provide a pathway into reconsidering how one thinks of body and sensuality. It has long seemed to me that gay and lesbian couples, absent the "missionary position" baggage that heterosexual couples so often bring to their coupling, may be marvelously freed to think of their lovemaking in (pardon the inadvertant pun) less rigid ways; perhaps ED can lead to some of that same kind of rethinking of what we demand of our bodies, and how we use our bodies to express love.

[Hugo]

Well, in order for ED to be such a pathway, we have to be able to reach young and not so young men with the message that this is safe stuff to talk about. And rather than considering it a problem to be medicated (or worse, blaming horny women), we can present a counter message: that the penis is only a small (ahem!) part of male sexuality. We can alleviate the burden to perform by reconceptualizing what healthy male sexuality looks like. This takes a lot of courage for young men, and they need mentors.

[Arwen]

Someone said in the comments at Pandagon which I think bears repeating - because I'd never considered it this way before.
Since women are now more free to initiate sex without being thought of as a lady of loose morals, a strumpet, or what have you, then the sexual act mighn't always be initiated at the time a man feels sexy. Women initiating may be the 'problem' in that no one feels ready to go all the time; before, if men were the initiators, one would guess that they'd be in the mood. That particular perspective was a bit of a lightbulb for me.

[mythago]

Before we even get to the analysis part, the article is bogus. Note the careful references to 'experts' and 'surveys', and the implication that the number of men under 30 with ED is proof of the author's claim. Looks like standard "I had a deadline, so I invented a trend and threw in some anecdotes" journalism to me.

[djw]

Yes, there's simply no evidence that the trend is actually a trend. If more men under 30 are telling the handful of therapists, counselors, etc about it, that probably just means either we've made some progress on destigmatization, perhaps due to the hyper-medicalization efforts of recent years.

[Hugo]

Indeed. In my own college days in the late 80s, about which I ought say relatively little, I remember that this was frequently an issue for me and several of my male friends. We just talked about it in whispers of frustration, often only when liquor had loosened our tongues.

[cuppajoe_9]

A stressed out college student who lives on beer and caffeine has trouble having sex with a woman he is not romantically interested in, and both he and Laura Sessions Stepp assume he has a disease. And furthermore: it's all the fault of those pesky feminists with their evil plans to make life miserable for all males and their secret penis-control rays. Sad, sad, sad.

There is a bright side, however. The Washington Post article, while undoubtedly irrational, leads us to a fascinating game of "You are wrong because...". You are wrong because the ability to get erections on command is not normal. You are wrong because the problem is not new. You are wrong because, to quote Arwen, no one feels ready to go all the time. You are wrong because perhaps many men are not comfortable getting it on after the first date, similar to the way that (hey, what do you know?) many women are not comfortable having sex minutes after meeting the person in question. You, Laura Sessions Stepp, are wrong, but we of wisdom and of reach by indirections find directions out. (Don't mind me, I'm composing this while I'm supposed to be writing an essay about Hamlet).

Anyhow, anybody wishing to reply to me should probably do it by e-mail, as I don't read this blog regularly. (No reflection on you, Hugo. If I read anybody's blog regularly, it would be yours.)

[Chris]

***
Half a dozen feminist bloggers have done a terrific job of tearing apart what Scott Lemieux calls the "risible" thesis that feminism is somehow responsible for men "losing their game." I recommend many of these posts, as well as the original article.
***

When a culture systematically denigrates and degrades multiple facets of masculinity and masculine identity, as many Western Cultures, and The United States in particular, do, then it naturally follows that men living in such a society will experience a lack of vitality.

Feminism and its horrible consequences are indeed the reason why men don't feel so manly these days.

***
As someone who is personally and professionally interested in challenging traditional notions of masculinity, I'm struck by how even a single episode of ED can force an otherwise unthinking man into a sudden and serious reflection about his body, his identity, and his sexuality. ED gets men's attention, and it gets it fast!
***

I am appalled and offended by this hateful, self-loathing comment.
This comment obviously lays bare the fact that you hate men, hate yourself, and wish that men as individuals and as a group experience some sort of 'punishment', 'atonement' or impotence.

You are the most emasculated (apparently hetereosexual) man I have ever encountered in my 45 years on this planet.

You are a pathetic excuse for a man.

I hope the day never comes where you and I are on the same side of a fight, perhaps in battle or war. I would surely die if you were in my squad.

[Can Dance]

Wow Chris. you are doing classic freaking out because you think someone is questioning *your* sexuality or something.
your hatred of women is ill concealed. perhaps you would fit in better in a woman hating blog. I am sure they can be found.
I admire Hugo for thinking of himself first and foremost as a person and his masculinity, as so narrowly defined by you apparently, second.
but why am I even taking the bait on this one. you are such a flamer. hmmmmmmmmmmm...........maybe I am striking a nerve there as well.

[Oriscus]

Chris -

Assuming you're not a troll (no problem - I've been taken for one before) Son (you're my age), you've got a problem.

Feminism is not the enemy of manliness. "Manliness" is its own enemy.

There are feminist attitudes, held to by a minority of feminists (maybe by a few more women in general when drunk, and for as good a reason as any complaint I've ever heard about "women") that might be arguably anti-male, but they are a minority. If your working concept of Manhood is under threat, maybe you need to look into revising your concept first. Maybe the zero-sum model would be the first thing you should discard (ie: women have more freedom, therefore I have less)

I have been where you are. You mistake political grandstanding for heartfelt discourse, and heartfelt discourse for political grandstanding. When the personal is political, it's hard not to take some people's political statements personally...

Don't.

Your comments betray a limited experience of cultures other than that of the United States, and of a rather grotesquely exaggerated sense of male vulnerability. There's also a readiness to blame other folks for what you feel.

It is easier to level accusations at those with whom you disagree than it is to offer up your own experience in rebuttal. It is riskier, too; I'll let you figure out how.

Hugo's blog is a pretty consistently welcoming place. He's no more self-loathing than any other Christian (I say this as a fellow Christian). There's no need to come at him personally, as you have done.

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