Monday musing

I've been pushing myself too hard lately (trying to get by on five-six hours of sleep per night), mostly because of school stuff, church stuff, and -- as always -- working out.  I've been trying to take afternoon naps to help cope, and they seem to work.  I can never really fall asleep though.  The little chinchilla in my head just gets on her wheel and runs and runs, and I think all sorts of thoughts and have all sorts of ideas, and then I just have to get up and putter.

Hugo doesn't do "still", "quiet", or "peaceful" well.

I've been working out with Pepe, the boxing instructor, three mornings a week at 5:15AM.  A lifelong morning person,I love being up at that hour; the problem is I'm not getting to bed early enough.  Perhaps all of this sleep deprivation is good training for fatherhood?

Lots of people have found my blog today by searching for "short love poems".  I've offered a few on this blog before.  If you're married and want a poem for your beloved, let me suggest this Wendell Berry gem I had up last year.   As my wife and I get ready for our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, I'm reflecting a lot on this line of Berry's:

What I am learning to give you is my death
to set you free of me, and me from myself
into the dark and the new light...

There's a lot of death going on in my life lately.  Not the bad sort, mind you.  The death of old behaviors, old attitudes, old fears is the sort I mean -- and the sort I think Berry means.  Marriage is the crucible in which I am being melted down, and though at times it is frightening, it is also exhilarating beyond words.  The God of new beginnings, of 97th chances, continues to bless me beyond all words.

Comments

[Anne Marie]

If you stopped drinking all the cokes and coffee you drink, I bet you could nap in the afternoons. Silly Hugo!

[spiritrover]

The problem with kid-caused sleep deprivation is that you don't get to pick when you don't get to sleep!

[Heather]

I've actually been thinking of you as a dad and what that will mean to your routine. Will you be able to get up and run / box? Will you have the time and energy for it? I suppose if you can actually survive on 5 hours of sleep a night, you might be okay. Maybe you could take the baby out with you while you run. My experience with babies is that they are MENTALLY exhausting - 'cause you have to figure out why they're crying - and they change so quickly. I've found that mental exhaustion has a different quality in my body than physical tiredness. My sleep is deeper and of a better quality when I'm physically tired than when I'm emotionally or mentally tired.

There's also the aspect of free time - spiritrover is right - you don't get to decide when you don't sleep, the baby does, and your free time, if you get any, is less free. And it will be like that for about 12 years because everything you do you have to first think "Who's taking care of the kid?" before you do it.

I've been reading "Kidding Ourselves: Breadwinning, Babies and Bargaining Power" by Rhona Mahony (recommended by Bitch, PhD) and it is the best book that I've read that speaks to the dynamics of men and women in the domestic sphere and how babies can upset even the most egalitarian of relationships. If you haven't read it, I recommend it highly before you have a baby.

[Hugo]

Heather, rest assured that I am mentally preparing myself to let go of many of my luxuries when I become a dad. 15-20 hours a week of working out won't be possible all the time, even with baby joggers and the like. My body will change, as I've seen the bodies of my friends change when they become parents -- and I'm ready to embrace that.

If I have to choose between keeping a 30-inch waist and spending time with my child, I'll pick the child. I know that's easy to say now, but I do believe I'm ready. I'll definitely look at the book, thanks!

[trishka]

i can't speak to the parenting aspect (ask me again in a couple of months), but i was struck by your words about having trouble getting your mind to quiet down enough to take a nap. i hope you don't mind unsolicited advice from a stranger on the internet, but i was wondering if you had ever considered working yoga into your exercise regime? i realise that it would have to be a substitute for something else at this point, since you clearly don't have extra time to be adding one more thing.

i've been an athlete pretty much all my life, having played competetive team sports as a kid, and as an adult i've run, biked, swam, lifted weights, worked the machines at the gym, competed in long distance endurance sports &c. i have to say that there is no type of physical exercise i've encountered that compares to ashtanga yoga, in terms of overall physical workout, exertion, difficulty, benefits, &c. and the benefits aren't solely limited to the physical, although that is a huge part of it. the emotional, psychological, and spiritual effects make it a different process than anything i have experienced anywhere.

anyway, i'll leave it at that, you know what they say about there being no zealot like the convert. i just wanted to put a bug in your ear, inviting you to consider yoga as something to think about. good luck with everything you have on your plate.

[Hugo]

You know, I have been considering yoga. I'm not flexible at all, and it has become a problem in both Pilates and boxing (though the Pilates helps). I run so often that my muscles get filled with lactic acid, and my hip flexors and hamstrings and glutes are always, always, tight. Everyone recommends yoga. I'll probably head that way soon... I grunt and groan too much as it is for a thirty-eight year-old!