I'm moderately irked at the moment, and this is to be a rambling post.
Downstairs in the kitchen, workmen are fixing the garbage disposal. They are disturbing HRH Princess Matilde's afternoon nap. Their indefinite arrival time "between three and seven", forced me to forego my afternoon gym workout and Arroyo run. I've responded to the lack of exercise by eating more. Much more.
I've never been a very successful dieter. I haven't had to diet in years, mind you. Giving up food was always much harder than simply increasing exercise. I know how to "do more". Doing "more" of almost anything comes easy to me. Doing "less", restricting food or certain behaviors -- that is much harder. Why not just eat all you want and then run and run and run? I'd rather do a 50K than practice self-restraint at the dinner table.
I'm often told by admiring folks that running so much must take discipline. I suppose it does, but in some ways, it's evidence of a lack of discipline. Though running brings me genuine pleasure, it also serves the crucial dual functions of keeping me trim and burning off the anxiety I've carried with me all my life. (And yes, that anxiety pre-dates my caffeine consumption!) When I've been working out regularly, I'm a nicer man to be around.
On a spiritual level, I've always liked messages about going out on "great commissions", "taking up crosses", and that sort of thing. Even if my enthusiasm eventually flags, doing the Lord's will by staying busy now comes easy to me. Drawing closer to God by getting still? Hugo doesn't do that so well. As my New Agey friends say, I know how to do better than I know how to be.
When I was confirmed as a Catholic in college, I took the name Thomas as my confirmation name. I chose it for the Doubter, but also for Aquinas, More, and Becket. (I wrote several papers on Becket in my early grad school years; the Jean Anouilh play, as inaccurate as it is, still moves me incredibly). Anyhow, if I were to "do it all over again", I think I might seriously consider going with Martha. (How does Hugo Martha Schwyzer work?) I've always sympathized with her, and like her, been annoyed with and envious of the Marys who can just sit at His feet and be in His presence.
The workmen are finished. The garbage disposal works!
And I have polished off another bagel with an extraordinary amount of peanut butter.