Follow-up on leaving the Mennonites

Well, I certainly do need a follow-up on yesterday's rather abrupt post about my imminent departure from Pasadena Mennonite Church. The several excellent comments below that post have challenged me.

Rereading yesterday's post, it certainly sounded as if I was leaving the Mennonites simply because I found myself challenged socially and culturally. My words, a day later, seem a bit glib and somewhat elitist. Let me try and clarify:

Certain principles of Anabaptist theology, such as pacifism, simplicity,and the call to personal holiness have tremendous appeal for me still. (Even as I have found it difficult, at times, to defend pacifism adequately against its more thoughtful theological critics!) There is something about "what it means to be a Christian" that Mennonites "get" on a very deep level, especially in terms of practical tools for living "as the church."

I also want to make it clear that I am not looking for a church that will just validate me in terms of "where I am" at the present moment. I want and need to be pushed and to be challenged. Indeed, in different ways, coming home to the Episcopal Church will mean that I (as an evangelical in terms of my personal relationship with Christ) will be pushed very, very hard indeed.

But the fact that I am to be married next year for the fourth time is a tough thing for many folks to deal with. (Let me say, parenthetically, that my fiancee is an amazingly brave woman to take on a thrice-divorced 37 year-old; she knows, however, that I am doing the necessary spiritual and psychological work.) On a personal level, my friends at the Mennonite Church have been tremendously supportive of my own journey and my relationship with my fiancee. (I intend to keep those friendships alive and thriving, mind you.) But on an institutional level, I find that my past has closed certain doors to me within the Mennonite Church, and I confess that that has been quite troubling and upsetting at times. I am not going to go into greater detail on my blog, but those who are familiar with Mennonite theology can likely see the problem.

Even while spending the last two years worshipping in the Mennonite church, I have continued to volunteer as a youth leader and confirmation class teacher at All Saints Episcopal Church. The congregation at Pasadena Mennonite is so young that there are virtually no teenagers (though there are a healthy number of toddlers!) All Saints has dozens of teens with whom I am in relationship and whom I love; I am quite clear on the fact that I am called to work with adolescents in a vounteer capacity. But it's been hard to explain to the kids at All Saints why I don't worship there on Sundays! And it's been very hard to teach a confirmation class at one church when I have been part of another community that doesn't believe in confirmation, but rather in adult baptism!

I've learned through lots of church shopping that there "is no perfect church". I've learned that church-hopping is dangerous, especially when it involves packing up and leaving whenever things get tough. I know my own capacity for endless self-reinvention and redefinition plays a part as well! Like many of my fellow Southern Californians, my own personal spiritual narrative is one characterized by restlessness. Sooner or later, I know, we have to find a place to call home. I called All Saints home for years. I left it in the aftermath of 9/11 because I wanted something more radical, more prophetic, more counter-cultural. I found what I was looking for, but I also found challenges I didn't anticipate. And I also missed the Anglican liturgy more than I had imagined I would. And I've made the decision to come back to the Episcopal Church.

At times on this blog, I go back and forth between the nakedly confessional and the deliberately opaque. This medium is funny that way, I suppose. I've carved out a niche for myself as a "consistent-life ethic Anabaptist Democrat with a chinchilla", and that has given me, at least in my own mind, a unique presence in the blogosphere. I still have the chinchilla, I'm still a registered Democrat, and I still hold quite strongly to the consistent-life ethic. But just as it is being rent asunder by divisive debates over human sexuality and theology, I am choosing to come home to the Anglican Communion, ultimately, both because it "works for me" and because I truly have come to believe that it is within that communion that I can best be of service to my Lord and Savior. I may be wrong, but for now, here is where I choose to stand.

Comments

[Xrlq]

What is a "consistent life ethic?" I'm not sure there is any such thing. War kills some; pacifism kills others. Death penalty kills some; not having one kills others. Even a ban on abortion would result in some deaths among pregnant women, albeit a negigible number by comparison to the number of embryonic and/or fetal lives that would also be saved.

"Consistent life" is not an option. Better to adopt the policy that will result in the smallest possible number of innocent people being tortured, killed, or harmed in other preventable ways. Zero is the ideal number, of course, but it's not realistic.

[susan]

Isn't finding God a journey, after all? I wish you well in your trek.

[Michelle]

My husband is even braver than your fiancee...he took on a thrice-divorced 37 year-old with two kiddos and agoraphobia to boot. What a man! Talk about someone who has faith...

[John]

What Anglican Communion would that be?
I wish you well, Hugo. I'll pray for you-In ECUSA, you will need all the help you can get.

[graham]

I just wished you'd considered the difficulties this'll pose for my blog-roll! ;o) I s'pose I could still claim that you were "anabaptist," just not Mennonite.

Are there no non-traditional mennonites over there? Here we don't have the same structured denominational expressions of anabaptism, so it tends to produce a slightly different atmosphere to some mennonite congregations. However, I'll trust that you will be able to take some valuable lessons with you as you return to All Saints.

The Lord bless you, brother.

[Jake]

I had the opportunity to worship with the people of All Saints a couple of times this month. What an amazing place!

Welcome back, Hugo, or should I say, welcome home?