If the personal is political, than I need to be accountable

Judging by the hits on Saturday night's piece, folks like to read and write about porn. No big surprise there. What is more uncomfortable -- especially in Christian circles -- is to admit to using it. Even the phrase "using it" is euphemistic; what we generally mean is "viewing it and masturbating to it." Just typing those words in a blog that so many of my friends, parents, and students read is difficult! And yet as with so many things, our silence feeds our shame and our sin.

In order to research, teach, and lead on gender issues, I don't need to be perfect or flawless. However, given that one of the basic tenets of feminism is that the "personal is political", I do have a moral obligation to seek to match my language and my life. I owe that to myself, my partner, my family, my students, my church, and (above all) to God. That means that on an issue such as pornography, I need to be clear that I have struggled with it -- particularly since the advent of the Internet!

For those who might be interested, I use (and hereby endorse) two different bits of software that help me to honor my commitments while I work online. On my home computer, I have Hedgebuilders software installed; it's a very effective server-based filter, reasonably priced. It allows me unlimited access to virtually everything legitimate I could want, while blocking porn completely. (It can also be configured to block gambling and white supremacist sites; I rarely have the urge to visit either). On my work computer (on which running Hedgebuilders is technically problematic) I have put up X3 software (a free program from the excellent guys at XXXChurch). X3 doesn't block anything, but it reports my user history to a guy friend of mine who has agreed to be an accountability partner.

I recommend both with enthusiasm. They work. Like all humans, I am deeply flawed. Like Paul, I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. But I do have a vision for the kind of work I feel I am called to do (vocationally and avocationally) around faith, sexuality, and masculinity. And in order to do that work, sometimes I need some help and some accountability. And (all thanks to God), I am not ashamed to publicly proclaim that I -- like most men -- need that help; I am also grateful that I have been given the strength to ask for it.

Comments

[Brian]

Hugo - Your blog is always entertaining and informative. I'm awed and inspired by your honesty. This is a really tough issue for men to talk about. Thanks for making me think!

[John Sloas]

Hugo--I signed up with Hedgebuilders. I've reclaimed my computer--it feels like a safe place. Thank you.

[Hugo]

John -- I wasn't sure if they worked for Macs or not - glad to hear they do. They are really good. God bless.

[The Angry Clam]

But Hugo, without gambling, porn and racism, what's left of the internet?

[Jonathan Dresner]

Politics. And blogs. And term papers.....

[Hugo]

Why do you think I blog so much, mollusk? Jonathan has it right.

[The Angry Clam]

I was just teasing about the state of the internet.

[d-rod]

Even the most devout Christian today (and for the last 2000 years) totally ignores a plainly worded admonition from Jesus that should his right hand "offends" him he ought literally to cut it off (Matt, 5:30). But some men who have despared over "controlling" their behavior by more conventional means, resort to having their own penis surgically removed.

[Elizabeth]

Hugo, thanks for your honesty! None of us is perfect, but it takes courage to admit our flaws.

[Bill Ekhardt]

Hugo, in conjunction with John's requests for a space for accountability, I've put up a discussion forum with privacy. It just launched today. I don't yet have any subscribers.The Cyber Lake.